i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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