as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
