There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
