Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
