Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
