and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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