Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
