No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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