Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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