This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
