We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
