i think my tv is drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
