just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
