**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im six kinds of drunk right now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
