my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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