After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
