I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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