Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
