maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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