yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
