Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
