The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
