Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
