walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
