Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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