I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
