I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
