i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
