Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
