this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The adults are the big ones right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
