hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
