i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
