he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
