yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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