Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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