wanna go halves on a baby?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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