I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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