I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
