puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
