Banned from zoo.
Again?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
