Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
