I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't deserve a penis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
