Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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