my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
