So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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