How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
