Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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