She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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