Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
