my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
