Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
