Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
