Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
