So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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