I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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