he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
