Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
